When Legend Slayer Will Bradley Falls Down On The Job- Marvel Comic Universe’s So-Called Legendary Heroes Ride Again-Yawn-The Avengers: Infinite Wars (2018)-A Film Review    

DVD Review

By Sarah Lemoyne

The Avengers: Infinity Wars, starring Robert Downey, Jr. and a cast of mutants, foul balls, quirky bastards, the merely ugly, dead-beats, grafter, drifters, grifters and the chronically unemployable, 2018

I am pissed off, and no don’t pardon my English, not with what I have say. I have been sidelined for a while doing other projects for site manager Greg Green. Stuff which will see the light of day this Spring under my by-line. That completion made me available for another assignment, a film review to get my hand back into that tough racket, that cutthroat business where since everything is essentially subjective you are only as good as your last review, maybe the last word of your last review. I was anxious to get back into the game after months of research, quiet writing, and editing. What I did not expect was to get this loser of a so-called superhero film, The Avengers: Infinity Wars (and whatnot). And that is the focus of why I am pissed off, and remember I am not looking for any pardon.

First off I thought we were supposed to be done with this Marvel/DC comic book characters come to the big screen after the internal rebellion when the writers here, young and old, unlike the purge of Allan Jackson the previous site manager which was before my time, and was essentially young against old refused to continue to 24/7/365 if it had come to that last number write about this type of film. The brainstorm of the clueless Greg Green (sorry Greg) who wished to boost the readership by appealing to the crowds interested in these bogus superheroes. I had not been paying that much attention to individual reviews but had thought that fever was over. Greg has assured me that it really was with the exception of an occasional foray to keep our hand in.         

Here is what I don’t get, don’t understand even if Greg and others want to grab an occasional spike in readership by ripping out a page from the comics to the chagrin of the serious and older readership who don’t give a fuck about such muck fouling up this publication and have been vocal about the matter. Beside this superhero stuff, this legend business is supposed to be the domain of Will Bradley who over the past couple of years has made a name for himself as the “legend-slayer.” The guy who wants us to face crummy reality without the crutch of undeserved or faked legends. Fair enough and I was happy when he took down guys like that rack-renter, Will’s expression, Robin Hood and that slave-driver Captain Blood among others. When Greg asked him to do this review he balked telling Greg that for the foreseeable future he was going all out to break the one legend that he has not been able put a dent in, the legend of early aviator Johnny Cielo.

You know what I say. Who the hell is this guy who nobody knows about, or as in my own case only knows from history class in high school where he was said to have something to do with the Wright Brothers down at Kitty Hawk back in the early days of flight. I asked around and the only ones who knew more about the guy were a couple of lefties I knew from Columbia University who told me he had been some important cog in the Cuban Revolution, had delivered guns and supplies to Fidel Castro up in the mountains when they needed that kind of help. Will couldn’t have spared the time to bust this weak-kneed Avenger crowd in about three paragraphs and go about his business with Johnny what’s his name.

     

Next ancient Sam Lowell who in the old days they tell me actually was the film editor and chief reviewer here who by rights should have been the “go to” guy when Will went into his tantrum. No such luck. It appears that the old goat (and in the interest of transparency an adversary in a couple of earlier film review battle of wits with me) is now knee-deep, Greg’s term, in trying to prove that the reason that the famous, famous to him and maybe some of the older crowd, private detective from California Lew Archer never made the Hall of Fame was that he suffered from sexual impotency. That seemingly two-minute job and done has got Sam (and poor Laura his long-time companion and something of mentor to me) staying up late at night trying to figure out what went wrong with this Lew. Lew, another guy nobody I know ever heard of since our P.I models are Savanah Duane and Ben Silver, neither of whom take beatings and grab slugs doing their private eye work like they say Phil Larkin and Sam Spade did. How primitive.

With those guys sidelined Greg came sauntering in to ask me for a big favor. Fortunately, as the “disclaimer” above pointed out we are in some cases, and this Avenger stuff is prime evidence for the policy, doing short reviews. Praise be. But why couldn’t I just do a thumbs up or down. Easy thumbs down. That would bust that legend is less than a minute. But no go as Greg wanted a few paragraphs to fill in some blank spot or something. So here goes.       

Actually before here goes let me say that I, like young writer Will Bradley who like me is still trying to grab a niche, go up the food chain as Seth Garth also something of a mentor to me likes to say I am not opposed to legends, solid deserved ones. I heartily agree that the Green Lantern operation which is now protecting the greater universe with a limited task force and our own section guardian Hal Jordan are doing a great job and grand public service in guarding us against our real and imagined fears. I can even buy the idea that maybe Superman or Iron Man has a small role to play in protecting us from an occasional bad actor who gets loose and who menace us for a minute. But the whole freaking Marvel Comic Universe stable for one simple job, no way.        

Thor, you know the guy who had the hammer, lost, found, lost again, one of the Marvel Comical Universe stalwarts was having dispute, a big time dispute with some Thanos, some bad ass guy who wants to control the universe and was willing to wipe out one half of said population if he didn’t get his way, get his magic elixir or something. Thor takes a well-deserved beating and Thanos is half way home to the fruition of his master plan. Since the rest of the Marvel clowns are unemployed, are sitting on their hands, are really otherwise unemployable they gather round their loser Thor. To yet again battle Thaos and his minions, a rough-edged crew that I would have advised Iron Man, the Black Widow, Spider Man, the Hulk and the other lesser has-beens to avoid at all costs since they looked meaner than Satan and his minions and you know what they did to Paradise, at least according to John Milton.

Naturally there are twelve million sham battles, a few altercations, some armed truces and then the final push which gets half of the citizenry of the universe blasted all for Marvel Comic Universe hubris. Wait until the next film. No, call up the Green Lantern organization and have them sent their ace Hal Jordan to come and deal with these cretins associated with this bastard Thanos. Then see how it was when real legends earned their keep.