From The Pen Of Joshua Lawrence Breslin- No Job For Amateurs –Lana Turner’s “Portrait In Black”

From The Pen Of Joshua Lawrence Breslin- No Job For Amateurs –Lana Turner’s “Portrait In Black”

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Click on the headline to link to a Wikipedia entry for Lana Turner’s Portrait In Black.

DVD Review

Portrait In Black, starring Lana Turner, Anthony Quinn, Sandra Dee, Universal Pictures, 1960

Let’s face it murder, and by this I mean planned murder not some blood simple, spur of the moment, heat of passion thing that could befall anybody, is not job for amateurs. More than a few who have failed to observe this rule have faced the gallows for thinking that they could cheap the hangman, or the odds. Of course that is the premise, the odds against premise, of the film under review, the1960 thriller Portrait In Black, in which the characters play with fire in disregard of that very sound advice just provided, just provided for free.

More importantly love and murder do not mix, do not mix at all. Also advice provided gratis courtesy of viewing many noirs and thrillers. But as humans will do when the love bug gets its nasty side hold on people there is no telling what will happen, or where it will lead. And that is exactly what happens to our unlucky couple in this thriller. They tempt the fates and those angry gods and goddesses in acts of pure hubris smash them like bugs.

Let me provide a few details just to prove my point, although if you too have seen enough noirs and thrillers you already are in my chapel. One unhappy (but rich) San Francisco wife (played by Lana Turner last seen by this reviewer serving them off the arm down at Nick’s Dinner further down the coast and also plotting, amateur plotting with a besotted highway tramp, John Garfield, to murder old Nick for love and money in the film adaptation of James M. Cain’s The Postman Always Rings Twice) of one very sick and ruthless man wants to move on, move on with her husband’s doctor (played by Anthony Quinn).

Naturally the lovers want to be happy and happiness cannot wait upon the timely demise of the husband. The husband is therefore a very long gone daddy after a little work by the good doctor. Perfect crime. No somebody is onto their caper. And that someone is also a goner. All done, right. No, no once this thing gets going it snowballs out of control. See, the husband’s daughter (played by Sandra Dee) by his first wife tumbled onto the lovers who thought they had everything under control. So, naturally, naturally now that the blood lust is up, she has to go. Almost. But the main mantra of any thriller or any noir is that crime does not pay. And that is the case here. And you wonder why I say murder is no job for amateurs. Got it.